Dear Diary (1)

Dear Diary

Today I am not going to write any poem or any story. Today I am going to narrate what is going on in my mind. The day was hectic as I was on the Internship. My internship is in a construction project. I got to see many things in the raw stage, the stage where things are more near to its creator than rest of the world. I saw that affection and love for the creation in the eyes of one of the creators, an engineer as he was explaining the span of four to five years to me, the journey from the conception of idea, the initiation of an adventure, the high and lows of the journey and finally a physical form of that dream. How wonderful is it to contribute your work in the world, something to point and say that is mine.

Today I have been feeling low. I don’t know why? , Perhaps because I am exhausted or perhaps because I am homesick. I traveled in train for four hours in total, two in morning and two in evening. I came across a conglomerate of people during this course. Usually it’s quite interesting but today it all seems dull. I have talked to almost all the people closest to my heart. Had a good laugh too, yet this feeling of desolation is nothing near of departure. I think it is not the loneliness outside but is the loneliness inside that has been causing trouble. Or is it loneliness? Today while I was travelling I saw a piece of article in the Deccan Chronicles. It was how one should follow their passion and everything, and since I was alone and bored, I was just trying to figure out my passion. I swear to god dear Diary, I could not come up with a single thing which I would call my passion. Is it the lack of direction in my life which is the reason for such emptiness? I do not enjoy what I do? But that is irrelevant since I sincerely don’t know what I enjoy? Not for a moment or a week or a year but something which when I look back in my life seems just as lustrous as it seems just now. But hey I am an optimist; I get scared of situation but never think anything is impossible till the last moment. I think my passion will find me someday or the other way around if it’s destined.

Just now I decided to watch a movie; I thought I would relax me. But I am unable to enjoy the motion picture, and I don’t want that disrespect to an artist’s creation. So, I have decided that I will see it later.

Then I thought of writing. I sat on my laptop, opened word on it and was staring on the blank page. A millions of thoughts were just juggling around in my mind, some of them utterly absurd and some fine, some political and apolitical, most of them totally irrelevant. So many ideas yet I could not find a single word or expression for any story or poem. It is more depressing than the boredom and loneliness. It is like I am unable to breathe. I then thought of writing what I am thinking, it may lighten the mood and brighten the soul somehow. Let’s see what happens.

I am not able to read also. Can you believe it? Perhaps I should just go to sleep. That is the only sane thing I am doing now a days. And seriously diary I think the universe has been a bit crueler to me today in every bit possible.



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